13 Thursday Puns--Very Sad

What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.

When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.

I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.

I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.

I used to be a tailor, but found the work to be just so-so.

I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.

What musical is about a train conductor? "My Fare, Lady"

Old printers never die, they're just not the type.

What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block

Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.

What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.

A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"

13 Thursday Hindrances to a Life of Perfection

1. My sin nature
2. Food
3. I talk too much
4. Lack of motivation
5. Other imperfect people
6. Other people who think they are perfect
7. Television
8. Me
9. My dog
10. Me
11. Me
12. My location (not Heaven)
13. Valentine's candy

13 Thursday Christmas Favorites

1. Christmas carols

2. 12 pounds of Christmas at work

3. Buying gifts for my family

4. Having both of my kids home for the holidays

5. Seeing other family members

6. Having the house all clean

7. Seeing Christmas specials/movies on TV

8. Hearing Christmas messages at church

9. Seeing the decorated Christmas tree with the gifts

10. Christmas Eve reading of the Christmas story from the Bible

11. Opening gifts on Christmas Eve

12. Guessing what's in most of the Christmas gifts for me and being mostly right (it kind of irritates the family)

13. Working on Christmas music for church in September or October

13 Thursday Things I Love about Thanksgiving

1. The smell and look of turkey (more than the taste)
2. Pie with whipped topping
3. Vegetable casseroles
4. Dressing, potatoes and gravy
5. Cranberry sauce and olives
6. Talking with family
7. Driving to someone's house
8. Or having the meal at my house
9. Having the Thanksgiving meal twice on the same day
10. Reminiscing
11. Talking to my daughter on the phone
12. Being off work two days plus the weekend
13. That God is so good at providing all our needs

13 Thursday Sayings from My Past

1. Better dead than red.

2. Two heads are better than one.

3. Fools' names like their faces are only found in public places.

4. White man speak with forked tongue.

5. Didn't you even think about doing it right?

6. Don't look at me like that.

7. Where there's smoke, there's fire.

8.What the world needs now is love.

9. Anyone over 30 can't be trusted.

10.Two can live more cheaply than one.

11. If you lie down with the dogs, you will rise up with fleas.

12. It is better to give than to receive.

13.M&Ms melt in your mouth, not in your hand.

13 Thursday Quotes from Colossians

My favorite book of the Bible is Colossians. Here are some meaningful phrases and verses.

1.We...do not cease to pray for you and to desire that ye might be filled with the knowledge of his will in all wisdom and spiritual understanding. 1:9

2.That ye might walk worthy of the Lord unto all pleasing, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God. 1:10

3. [The Father] who hath delivered us into the kingdom of his dear Son. 1:13

4. [The dear Son] in whom we have redemption through his blood, even the forgiveness of sins. 1:14

5.[Jesus] who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature. 1:15

6. For by him [Jesus] were all things created. 1:16

7.As ye have therefore received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk ye in him. 2:6

8. Rooted and built up in him [Christ] and stablished in the faith. 2:7

9. For in him [Christ] dwelleth all the fulness of the Godhead bodily. 2:9

10. Set your affections on things above, not on things on the earth. 3:2

11. And [ye] have put on the new man which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him. 3:10

12. And let the peace of God rule your hearts. 3:15

13. And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily as to the Lord and not unto men. 3:23

13 Thursday Acronyms from Law Enforcement

AFIS Automated Fingerprint Identification System

BAC Blood Alcohol Content

BOLO Be On the Look Out

DRE Drug Recognition Expert

DUS Drove Under Suspension

FTA Failure to Appear

FTC Failure to Comply

HTO Habitual Traffic Offender

ICE Immigration Customs Enforcement

PBT Portable Breath Test or Preliminary Breath Test

PIT Precision Intervention Technique or
Precision Immobilization Technique

REDDI Report Every Drunk Driver Immediately

SWAT Special Weapons And Tactics

13 Thursday Finishes to Proverbs by Kids

1.Don't change horses - until they stop running.
2.You can lead a horse to water but - How?
3.Don't bite the hand that - looks dirty.
4.You can't teach an old dog new - Math
5.If you lie down with dogs, you'll - stink in the morning.
6.The pen is mightier than the - pigs.
7.Where there's smoke there's - pollution.
8.A penny saved is - not much.
9.Two's company, three's - the Musketeers.
10.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and - You have to blow your nose.
11.Children should be seen and not - spanked or grounded.
12.When the blind lead the blind - get out of the way.
13.A bird in the hand - is going to poop on you.

13 Thursday Things I Have Worried Over in My Life

1. That I have cancer

2. That my husband will die before me

3. That I will die before my husband

4. That one of my babies would die

5. That my dad would choke to death

6. That I would be grounded

7. That my house will never get cleaned completely

8. That when people get to know the real me, they will be horrified

9. That I will fall in a hole

10. That a nuclear bomb will hit somewhere near Denver, or Toledo, or Springfield (or wherever we have lived)

11. That my dog will run and jump and hit me in the face

12. That my husband will get too irritated with all that I am

13. About where Heaven is

Keep in mind that I don't worry about all these things at once. Some of them I worried about a long time ago. Some I worry about often. If all these things horrify or worry you about me (and I'm not absolutely sure I'm going to actually submit this entry), then let's just say I'm talking about someone else.

13 Thursday Free Things

1. Perfume of flowers

2. Sound of bees

3. The view of the mountains

4. Interaction with some people

5. Headaches

6. Dirt

7. Leaves

8. The sound of crying

9. The sound of laughing

10. God's love

11. Doubt

12. Happiness

13. Salvation

13 Thursday Famous Quotes by Benjamin Franklin

1. Money: Remember that time is money.

2. Achievement: Little strokes fell great oaks.

3. Success: God helps them that help themselves.

4. War: There never was a good war or a bad peace.

5. Planning: Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today.

6. Wisdom: Experience keeps a dear school, but fools will learn in no other.

7. Teamwork: We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.

8. Wisdom: Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.

9. Money: A man may, if he knows not how to save as he gets, keep his nose to the grindstone.

10. Time: Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that is the stuff life is made of.

11. Freedom: They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety.

12. Democracy: Our Constitution is in actual operation; everything appears to promise that it will last; but in this world nothing is certain but death and taxes.

13. Success: A little neglect may breed mischief: for want of a nail the shoe was lost; for want of a shoe the horse was lost; and for want of a horse the rider was lost

13 Thursday Memories of My Sister

1. One time somebody marked on the window in the house in the condensation there. My mom made Gail and me sit in the living room behind the arm chair to discuss who had done it because one of us was going to be in trouble. My dad came home at lunch and said he did it accidentally.

2. My sister, a neighbor girl and I were in a beauty contest and two neighbor boys were the judges. Gail won. I lost.

3. My sister loved to read. She was a reader before I was. (She was two years younger than I was.)

4. I gave my sister a hard time sometimes, but when anyone else tried to bother her, I was there to take care of her.

5. When Gail was little she had big freckles, glasses and a gap between her two front teeth. She was a beautiful little sister.

6. Gail and I both took piano lessons and because I was older, I learned more quickly. As a result she wasn't very interested in learning piano. As she got older she learned the French horn and took singing lessons. She was a very talented musician.

7. When Gail and I were doing dishes (I washed; she dried), that's when we got into the most trouble. We started throwing water or making a lot of noise. Doing dishes sometimes resulted in spankings. Gail usually got the worst end of the deal because I stood in a gap next to fridge and Gail was right out where Mom could get her more easily.

8. One year when we went to Bible camp, we both got to worrying and crying about whether we were really saved or not. I think we got it settled, at least temporarily.

9. Gail always had more and better friends than I did. She was my main friend most of the time.

10. When we were grown and married, at one point Gary and I were having some pretty serious money problems and didn't have much money for anything. She made sure to get me things I needed.

11. When our children were born, she thought of my children as being partly hers and I thought of her baby as being partly mine. As the kids grew up, we didn't feel as strongly about that.

12. When my parents died, Gail and I and our sister-in-law went through the folks' things. Having Gail there made the job easy.

13. Gail was my best friend and a wonderful Christian person. I loved to spend time with her.

13 Thursday Recent Themes of My Life

A while back I had a 13 Thursday Themes of My Life. Well, I'm going to do it again.

1. Kidney stones (husband and son)
2. Work
3. Church
4. Bible Clubs
5. Getting shower fixed (took about a month)
6. New dog
7. Buying gas
8. Cooking
9. TV
10. Dishes
11. Driving to work in semi-dark
12. Husband and son and daughter
13. Blog

13 Thursday English Language Oddities

(Actually I have 25 oddities here.)

1. “Ough” can be pronounced in eight different ways. The following sentence contains them all: “A rough-coated, dough-faced ploughman strode through the streets of Scarborough, coughing and hiccoughing thoughtfully.

2. The two longest words with only one of the six vowels including y are the 15-letter "defenselessness" and "respectlessness."

3. “Forty” is the only number which has its letters in alphabetical order. “One” is the only number with its letters in reverse alphabetical order.

4. "Bookkeeper" is the only word that has three consecutive doubled letters.

5. Despite the assertions of a well-known puzzle, modern English does not have three common words ending in -gry. "Angry" and "hungry" are the only ones.

6. "Antidisestablishmentarianism" listed in the Oxford English Dictionary, was considered the longest English word for quite a long time, but today the medical term "pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis" is usually considered to have the title, despite the fact that it was coined to provide an answer to the question ‘What is the longest English word?’

7. “Dreamt” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.

8. There are many words that feature all five regular vowels in alphabetical order, the commonest being abstemious, adventitious, facetious.

9. The superlatively long word honorificabilitudinitatibus (27 letters) alternates consonants and vowels.

10. “Fickleheaded” and “fiddledeedee” are the longest words consisting only of letters in the first half of the alphabet.

11. "Cwm" (pronounced “koom”, defined as a steep-walled hollow on a hillside) is a rare case of a word used in English in which w is the nucleus vowel, as is crwth (pronounced “krooth”, a type of stringed instrument). Despite their origins in Welsh, they are accepted English words.

12. “Asthma” and “isthmi” are the only six-letter words that begin and end with a vowel and have no other vowels between.

13. The nine-word sequence "I, in, sin, sing, sting, string, staring, starting (or starling), startling" can be formed by successively adding one letter to the previous word.

14. “Underground” and “underfund” are the only words in the English language that begin and end with the letters “und.”

15. “Stewardesses” is the longest word that can be typed with only the left hand.

16. “Almost” is the longest commonly used word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order.

17. The longest uncommon word whose letters are in alphabetical order is the eight-letter Aegilops (a grass genus).

18. The longest common single-word palindromes are deified, racecar, repaper, reviver, and rotator.

19. “One thousand” contains the letter "A", but none of the words from one to nine hundred ninety-nine has an "A".

20. “The sixth sick sheik’s sixth sheep’s sick” is said to be the toughest tongue twister in English.

21. “Rhythms” is the longest English word without the normal vowels, a, e, i, o, or u.

22. Excluding derivatives, there are only two words in English that end -shion and (though many words end in this sound). These are "cushion" and "fashion."

23. “THEREIN” is a seven-letter word that contains thirteen words spelled using consecutive letters: the, he, her, er, here, I, there, ere, rein, re, in, therein, and herein.

24. There is only one common word in English that has five vowels in a row: queueing.

25. "Soupspoons" is the longest word that consists entirely of letters from the second half of alphabet.

Did you like them?

13 Thursday Neighborhood Bible Club Facts

1. My church (and I) have held two Bible clubs everyday.

2. I have been the Bible teacher.

3. The "Wordless Book" stories have been the Bible series I have taught.

4. "Tifam" has been the missionary or "adventure story."

5. We have had a total of 40-50 kids in the clubs.

6. Nine children have trusted Christ as Savior so far this week.

7. I have gotten a sunburn from being in the sun mostly in the morning.

8. The 11:00 club has been held in a park. The 1:30 club has been at a home, and except for Monday, we have been inside for that Bible club.

9. We have had a total of ten workers and two 6th grade boys. They all have been wonderful.

10. The pastor has started out each club with prayer and a promise to hand out ice cream certificates to the children who bring visitors the next day.

11. Because I'm not teaching the missionary story, I sit down during that time. At one club I was sitting behind a little boy and he was pushing on my fat foot and leg, trying to figure it out.

12. Tonight I am very tired. We have church tonight.

13. This has been a wonderful week of blessing. I praise the Lord for the opportunity.

100 Quotes for My 100th Blog Entry!

My 100th blog is being celebrated by 100 quotes.

ALBERT EINSTEIN

1. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education.

2. As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.

3. Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

4. The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one.

5. If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor.

6. I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

7. Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

MARK TWAIN

8. Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

9. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

10. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it.

11. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

12. The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

13. “Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?”

VOLTAIRE

14. Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do.

15. No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

16. The true triumph of reason is that it enables us to get along with those who do not possess it.

17. It is hard to free fools from the chains they revere.

18. There are men who can think no deeper than a fact.

19. Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices.

20. Anything too stupid to be said is sung.

21. By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.

22. Governments need to have both shepherds and butchers.

PLATO

23. One of the penalties for refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

24. No one ever teaches well who wants to teach, or governs well who wants to govern.

25. This City is what it is because our citizens are what they are.

32. Courage is knowing what not to fear.

26. The measure of a man is what he does with power.

CHURCHILL

27. A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.

28. If you are going through hell, keep going.

29. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.

30. It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried.

HISTORY

31. Veni, Vidi, Vici." (I came, I saw, I conquered) -- Julius Caesar.

32."The military doesn't start wars. Politicians start wars" -- General William Westmoreland

33."A young man who does not have what it takes to perform military service is not likely to have what it takes to make a living." -- John F. Kennedy

34."I feel that retired generals should never miss an opportunity to remain silent concerning matters for which they are no longer responsible." -- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf (a piece of advice Wesley Clark should have followed).

35."Blood is the price of victory" -- Karl von Clausewitz

36."The art of war is simple enough. Find where your enemy is. Get at him as soon as you can. Strike him as hard as you can, and keep moving on." -- General Ulysses S. Grant

37."In the absence of orders, find something and kill it". -- Erwin Rommel

38."War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The ugliest is a man who thinks nothing is worth fighting and dying for and lets men better and braver than himself protect him." -- John Stuart Mill

39."Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism" -- George Washington

40."You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.” -- Winston Churchill

41.You'll never get the Purple Heart hiding in a foxhole! Follow me!" -- Captain Henry P. "Jim" Crowe, USMC, Guadalcanal, 13 January 1943

42."If you leave here with the word DUTY implanted in your mind; if you leave here with the word HONOR carved in your soul; if you leave here with love of COUNTRY stamped on your heart, then you will be a twenty-first century leader worthy...of the great privilege and honor...of leading...the sons and daughters of America..." -- General H. Norman Schwarzkopf to the Corps of Cadets on 15 May 1991

43."There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, learning from failure." -- Colin Powell

44...and this from December 9, 2005, while interviewing an anonymous US Special Forces soldier, a Reuters News agent asked the soldier what he felt when sniping members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan. The soldier shrugged and replied, "Recoil."

45. "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

46."Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

47."Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake."
- Chessmaster Savielly Grigorievitch Tartakower (1887-1956)

49."Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
- Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

50."His ignorance is encyclopedic"
- Abba Eban (1915-2002)

51."If a man does his best, what else is there?"
- General George S. Patton (1885-1945)

52."Political correctness is tyranny with manners."
- Charlton Heston (1924-)

53."I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better."
- A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)

54."People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid." - Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

55."Give me chastity and continence, but not yet."
- Saint Augustine (354-430)

56."Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

57."Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former."
- Albert Einstein (1879-1955)

58."A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

59."The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work."
- Emile Zola (1840-1902)

60."This book fills a much-needed gap."
- Moses Hadas (1900-1966) in a review

61."The full use of your powers along lines of excellence."
- definition of "happiness" by John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)

62."I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart."
- e e cummings (1894-1962)

63."Give me a museum and I'll fill it."
- Pablo Picasso (1881-1973)

64."Assassins!"
- Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra

65."I'll moider da bum."
- Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William Shakespeare

66."In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is."
- Yogi Berra

67."I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826)

68."Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems." - Rene Descartes (1596-1650), "Discours de la Methode"

69."In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
- Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

70."Whether you think that you can, or that you can't, you are usually right."
- Henry Ford (1863-1947)

71."Do, or do not. There is no 'try'."
- Yoda ('The Empire Strikes Back')

72."The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

73. "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." - Martin Luther King Jr. (1929-1968)

74."A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

75."Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back."
- Paul Erdos (1913-1996)

76."Try to learn something about everything and everything about something."
- Thomas Henry Huxley (1825-1895)

77."The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad."
- Salvador Dali (1904-1989)

78."If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

79."But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near."
- Andrew Marvell (1621-1678)

80."Good people do not need laws to tell them to act responsibly, while bad people will find a way around the laws."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)

81."The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don't have it."
- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

82."Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

83."Everybody pities the weak; jealousy you have to earn."
- Arnold Schwarzenegger (1947-)

84. "Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake."
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)

85."I think 'Hail to the Chief' has a nice ring to it."
- John F. Kennedy (1917-1963) when asked what is his favorite song

86."I have nothing to declare except my genius."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900) upon arriving at U.S. customs 1882

87. "Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe."
- H. G. Wells (1866-1946)

88."Talent does what it can; genius does what it must."
- Edward George Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873)

89."The difference between 'involvement' and 'commitment' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was 'involved' - the pig was 'committed'."
- unknown

90."He who has a 'why' to live, can bear with almost any 'how'."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

91."Many wealthy people are little more than janitors of their possessions."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

92."I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters."
- Frank Lloyd Wright (1868-1959)

93."Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."
- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

94."He is one of those people who would be enormously improved by death."
- H. H. Munro (Saki) (1870-1916)

95."I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."
- Sir Winston Churchill (1874-1965)

96."I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them."
- Ian L. Fleming (1908-1964)

97."If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars."
- J. Paul Getty (1892-1976)

98."Facts are the enemy of truth."
- Don Quixote - "Man of La Mancha"

99."When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world."
- George Washington Carver (1864-1943)

100."I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
- Thomas Alva Edison (1847-1931)

13 Thursday Malapropisms

Definition of malapropism: ludicrous misuse of a word, especially by confusion with one of similar sound—sometimes done purposely and sometimes done accidentally.

Good punctuation means not to be late.

He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

My sister has extra-century perception.

"Don't" is a contraption.

"Listen to the blabbing brook." Norm Crosby

"This is unparalyzed in the state's history." Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House

"The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder." Richard Daley, former Chicago mayor

"He was a man of great statue." Thomas Menino, Boston mayor

"Well, that was a cliff-dweller." Wes Westrum, about a close baseball game

"Be sure and put some of those neutrons on it." Mike Smith, ordering a salad at a restaurant

"It's got lots of installation." Mike Smith, describing his new coat

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

The death of Francis Shaw was a major turning point in his life.

13 Thursday Strange Laws

1. In Alabama, it is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

2. It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.

3. In California, bathhouses are against the law.

4. It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

5. Women may not drive in a housecoat.

6. In Florida, if an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

7. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit.

8. Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.

9. In Louisiana, it is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

10. In New York, a fine of $25 can be levied for flirting. This old law specifically prohibits men from turning around on any city street and looking "at a woman in that way." A second conviction for a crime of this magnitude calls for the violating male to be forced to wear a "pair of horse-blinders" wherever and whenever he goes outside for a stroll.

11. The penalty for jumping off a building is death.

12. In Ohio, it is illegal to get a fish drunk.

13. In Texas, The entire Encyclopedia Britannica is banned in Texas because it contains a formula for making beer at home.

13 Thursday Thoughts on the English Language

Some thoughts on the English language (copied from someone who had thoughts on someone else's thoughts).

1. There is no egg in the eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.

2. We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

3. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing?

4. If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth?

5. If the teacher taught, why didn't the preacher praught.

6. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

7. When the stars are out they are visible, but when the lights are out they are invisible.

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

9. Why are wise men and wise guys opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?

12. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,does he become disoriented?

13. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?

13 Thursday Themes of My LIfe

1. Teaching/school
2. Children
3. Marriage
4. Church
5. God
6.People
7. Reading
8. Piano
9.Moving
10.My sister
11. Family
12. Bible
13. Eating/dieting

What are some themes of your life?