What happened when the cow tried to jump over a barbed wire fence? Udder destruction.
When I was in the supermarket I saw a man and a woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, "Are you two an item?"
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fish.
I used to be a transplant surgeon, but my heart just wasn't in it.
I used to be a train driver but I got sidetracked.
I used to be a tailor, but found the work to be just so-so.
I tried working in a bakery, but was told I wasn't "bread" for it.
What musical is about a train conductor? "My Fare, Lady"
Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
What do you call a baby monkey? A chimp off the old block
Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
What did the chimpanzee say when his sister had a baby? Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
A termite walks into a bar and says, "Is the bar tender here?"