The above is the title of a book written in 1855 by Pedro Carolino. He wanted to write an English phrase book for Portuguese students. The problem was...he didn't speak English.
To quote the preface of this book:
"...he didn't own an English-to-Portuguese dictionary. What he did have, though, was a Portuguese-to-French phrasebook and a French-to-English dictionary. The bizarre linguistic train wreck that ensued--published in Paris in 1855 as O Novo Guia da Conversacio, em Portuguez e Inglez, em Duas Partes: The New Guide of the Conversation, in Portuguese and English, in Two Parts--became celebrated as a bizarre masterpiece of unintentional humor, and it went on to be reprinted around the world for the rest of the 19th century, under the title English as She is Spoke."
Here are some samples:
This pen are good for notting.
What news tell me? all hairs dresser are newsmonger. (Insult to a barber)
With a gardener: What you make hither, Francis?
I water this flowers parterre.
Shall i eat some plums soon?
It is not the season yet; but here is some peaches what does ripen at the eye sight.
It delay me to eat some wal nuts-kernels; take care not leave to pass the season.
Be tranquil, i shall throw you any nuts during the shell is green yet.
It's very interesting and was actually used as an authoritative resource for several decades, and then it wasn't. It has been used as an example of tortured English in the decades since and perhaps as a warning to others as the way not to write a phrase book.