1. The roundest knight at King Arthur’s round
table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his
size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan
island, but it tuned out to be an optical
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from an
algebra class because it was a weapon of math
5. The butcher backed into the meat grinder and
got a little behind in his orders.
6. No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll
still be stationary.
7. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and
was cited for littering.
8. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France
would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
9. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a
11. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall.
The police are looking into it.
12. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
13. Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the
hallway. One hat said to the other, ‘You stay
here; I’ll go on a head.’
14. I wondered why the baseball kept getting
bigger. Then it hit me.
15. A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center
said: ‘Keep Off the Grass.’
16. A small boy swallowed some coins and was
taken to a hospital. When his grandmother
telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said,
‘No change yet.’
17. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in
18. The man who survived mustard gas and pepper
spray is now a seasoned veteran.
19. When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a
taste of religion.
20. Don’t join dangerous cults. Practice safe